Are we doing our sons a disservice?

A couple of days ago I was watching a story about a girl that had been raped. Now, let me say up front (as if this needs saying) that I do not condone rape. I think when a women says no, that should be the end of it. However, in the case in question, I was very disturbed by something.

Both the girl & the guy involved state they were both highly intoxicated. They had both downed several shots of alcohol within half an hour, with the boy downing twice to three times the amount of the girl. The part that disturbed me so much was how everyone ganged up on this guy so badly for the fact that he had sex with someone who was so intoxicated.

The argument from most was that if she had drank that much she was clearly impaired and not able to give consent. I do agree that when you drink to excess you lose your ability to consent to things. However, my question is this: why do we hold our boys to such a higher standard than our girls? It just seems unfair to me to say that this teenage girl was impaired and therefore taken advantage of because she drank so much but the boy was completely in control of his faculties. If we are saying that girls are absolutely out of control of their actions once they are drunk then why do we expect these boys to be 100% in control?

I have two young children and it scares me daily to think of all of the things we have to worry about as they get older. I may be biased but I think my Phia is a beautiful girl. I can imagine she will attract much attention as she gets older & this worries me to death. I want to make sure I teach her about not getting herself into bad situations and how alcohol can be hazardous. It saddens me though to think that I also have to worry about my son being held to a much higher standard than her.

It is like saying that if they both got into similar incidences that he would be an animal that took advantage of someone’s baby girl but she would be a poor victim. Wouldn’t they both have been making horrible choices and putting themselves into a bad situation? However, wouldn’t they both be impaired in this scenario? All I am saying is that it saddens me to think that in situations such as this you may have a young boy who is so drunk he misreads signals and he is so impaired he is thinking she is as into him as he is her. Then later she realizes she had sex while drunk and would never have done the same sober and automatically he is guilty of rape. Why? Couldn’t this as easily be something he wouldn’t have done sober either? Couldn’t it simply be that they both made bad choices and got themselves into something neither should have let happen?

What is this saying about our girls? Why can’t we hold them to as high a standard? Do we think so little of them? Do we think they aren’t as smart or able to take care of themselves? It seems somehow oppressive to think so little of our girls that they are automatically the only victim.

I’d love to hear know what you think….


One thought on “Are we doing our sons a disservice?

  1. As the mother of 2 boys & grandmother of an 18 yr old, I so totally agree! Well said! I worry about my grandchildren in this crazy world.

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